Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Practical Tips on Dealing with Difficult Parents

Sad woman thinking- marydeescott-blogspot-com

This has been such a looooong time coming! Apologies for my disappearing act, biko. I did a POST on dealing with difficult parents, but it was basically a rant. I was boiling on that particular day, and just needed to vent. Since I'm not so down with the idea of smashing stuff against the wall or screaming off my lungs, writing was it {My friend actually suggested I do a post when I almost ranted his ears off ;) }. But I realize that many young people have to deal with difficult parents, and it would help to know one or two things to do in such situations. I compiled these with the help of a friend, so it's like a compilation of our personal observations. It's definitely not exhaustive.

Dealing with difficult parents can be a bummer, and it's often a case of different strokes for different folks. From excessive nagging, to outright physical and emotional abuse, no form of conflict with parents is palatable.

If you're currently having these issues, here are a few tips you'll want to remember:

1. Keep Calm

Did I just hear you say "It's easier said than done"? You're right. But you gotta do, what you gotta do. Thing is, nothing good ever comes out of anger or violence. And this is Africa. You don't yell back at your parents and get good results. I'm not even sure it works for the Americans and all; I just know we see oit in their movies. So the next time you're tempted to feel like Hollywood, just remember it's African blood that flows in your veins. LOL. On a more serious note though, please do your best to keep calm. It's okay to be angry for a while. Just don't let it control you.

2. Never Transfer Aggression

It's never a good idea. You're already at loggerheads with your parent(s), the last thing you need is to make more enemies. Usually, letting your anger fester for so long leads to a transfer of aggression.

3. Invest in a pastime. Get occupied.

I was discussing this post with a friend, and she mentioned how she developed a liking for washing. Whenever she got into an argument with her dad, she would resort to washing because it helped her be alone, think, and maybe even cry a little. Yours might not be washing, but try to find whatever works for you.

4. Find a Healthy Outlet for Emotional Release

I like crying! I love private places. Back in school, I would go to the Chapel or the Lagoon front whenever I felt overwhelmed with things. I'm a very private person, so I smile openly and cry secretly. But on those few occassions when I would be alone and just talk and cry, I found that my heart felt lighter afterwards. Bottling up doesn't help. It only makes you cranky, and more prone to transferring aggression.

5. Talk to God

God knows. God sees. God cares. The feeling I get from being alone, and just getting real with God is priceless. Sometimes, I can almost hear Him chuckling and saying "Baby girl, did you think I didn't know how hurt you are? Why have you been faking strength?". See, God does not need us to be macho; He's got that covered already. He needs us to come to Him in our frailty. He needs us to get real. I'm not saying everytime I get talking with God, issues just disappear. But it sure helps to know that He's in it with me; that He cares.

Black woman praying-marydeescott-blogspot-com

6. Talk to Someone

This is usually like a last resort for me. That is wrong! It helps to talk to someone. Someone who understands, and is mature enough to help you see things as they are. Someone who isn't afraid to tell you when you're at fault, and always has your best interest at heart. Look around you. There's always that someone. Confiding in another person is not a sign of weakness or failure. It just shows that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make things better.

Sometimes, things just never work out with parents. No matter how respectful and cautious you are, sometimes your folks just prove difficult to the last. Here's where trust comes in. Believe that whatever happens, God's gat you! There might be rough times. Your situation might be worse than the next person's. But God is always God, right?


Share with me some of the ways you've handled difficult situations with your parents...

Till next time {hopefully it won't be too long a time},

Peace & Chocolate Cake, 
Mary ✌

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