Dealing with Disagreements in a Relationship

Disclaimer: Although “relationship” here refers primarily to romantic ones, the points raised could be very well applied to ANY kind of relationship.

Disagreements are normal. That is why it’s pretty unrealistic to say you want to AVOID them. You can work on not having too many of them, but you won’t be able to avoid them TOTALLY {except maybe you guys are angels, I dunno}. So why not equip yourself with the right ways to deal with them?

Everyone has disagreeements. EVERYONE! but personally, I think they appear larger and hurt more when we're in it with somebody we love, especially when we feel that we've been hurt by that person. It's usually a nasty place to be, no matter how short the stay. I read somewhere that some couples take the FIGHT, FLIGHT or FREEZE route. What do these mean?

FIGHT- They go all out with the anger and fireworks. They stay mad at each other for days.

FLIGHT- Too timid to face the issue. More often than not, they sweep the matter under the rug while harboring unhealthy feelings such as resentment.

FREEZE- The Flight kinda graduates to the Freeze. After so much bottled up feelings, they just ice up. They still go through the motions of being a couple and all, but their hearts have long gone cold.

I'm no expert on love but I know that taking any of these routes does not spell good for ANY love story. So here are a few tips on how to handle disagreements in a healthy way. Some are from personal experience while others are from research, but all the same, they're worth a trial

Face the Demon

Don't act like it never happened. For some of us {I lie not}, stuffing things in make us very uncomfortable and easily prone to resentment. These are unhealthy feelings that will eat at the fabric of your love until there's nothing but tatters left. So, ESPECIALLY for persons like these, do not let things slide. If he hurt you, tell him. Sometimes your partner might have no idea. No matter how long you've been together, try not to assume he can read your mind. Just let it out.

Quit the Blame Game

If you're still pretty stuck on 'standing your ground and claiming your right', maybe you need to know one major pillar of every relationship: COMPROMISE. When disagreements arise, as absurd as it might seem, it's not time to find out who is right or wrong. In most cases, that only makes matters worse. Always remember that the goal is to preserve the relationship, not hand out medals for most well-behaved.

Attack the Issue

Not Each Other. You've probably heard this before but while stating your case, try taking the "I" route instead of the "You". With statements like "You don't give me my due respect", "You pay too much attention to your work", the other person is put on the defense. In a disagreement, that's like rubbing salt into a wound. Bad idea. 
Saying "I feel disrespected and I know that is not healthy for this relationship and I would love us to do something about it" is much better. This probably doesn't look like a big deal, but it is. There's just something about a direct "You" that gets the person in question ready to DEFEND rather than COOPERATE to find a solution.        

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... at least not immediately

You'll come to realise that you should not pick on every single thing. The longer you spend with each other, the more you should be able to accommodate some stuff. Your partner is no angel, just as you're not. So accept him for the good and the not-so-good.

It's all well and good to sort things out, but most times you might want to chill, let tempers cool, let the tension slide a little, before bringing up the issue... And while broaching the issue, you might want to keep in mind the points discussed above.

One last thing before I end this:

NEVER fight dirty! NEVER aim to bruise your partner's ego. If you're so stuck on getting the other person to admit their wrong that you ruthlessly attack their pride/self-worth, you're gradually pulling down the blocks of that relationship.

That's all from me. I'm sure you have one or two opinions or observations about this issue? What ways have you found effective in handling disagreements, whether with your spouse, family or even colleague?

Peace & Chocolate Cake,

Mary

Image: Google